Healing is Hard
Pearls I learned in my journey from practicing physician to professional patient
After years of promoting and utilizing mind-body connections in my practice, I was unable to advocate for myself when my wife and I had life-threatening illnesses. Read it; or not. Use what works for you.
About
Doctor, wife, patient, mom, lesbian, Christian/Lutheran, Minnesotan, reader, writer, knitter...
Who am I? And why should you care? Good questions.
I am a doctor who can no longer practice, although she should be in the prime of her career. It sucks, thank you for asking. Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, I had some skills and was able to use them. Yes, there were times I daydreamed about not getting up to an alarm at a ridiculous hour. Yes, I dream about being in the hospital, in the OR—often anxiety nightmares where I can’t get the computers to work or find the things I need. Including my shoes.
I am a reformed English major who still struggles with run on sentences. And tangential stories. And sentence fragments.
I am one of two moms in an all-female household (yes, two teens, 3 cats and a dog), and we’re all in the midst of transitions, hormonal flux. Even the pets are teens or middle aged.
I fell in love with my best friend in the most conservative, anti-gay place I have ever lived, and we have figured out how to have a queer family for 20 years.
No, I didn’t always know I was gay. I have an ex-husband, and he is a great guy. We had an amazing story. It just wasn’t the right fit.
I’m not a fan of forced dichotomies. I choose coffee and tea. Dogs and cats. Shakespeare and the Vampire Diaries.
We have deep roots in an amazing church, and not everyone who is religious is homophobic and racist. I don’t often wear this on my sleeve, but it does inform what I do. The best part about our church is the community.
I don’t think that I have all the answers for me, much less for you. I believe that there are some things that are proven to be better or worse for our health, and some that may work for you and not for me. I don’t believe that just because we have the capability to measure some things that we should—levels are based on norms, and not all of us fall into the bell-shaped curve. We are better off treating our symptoms than a number. None of us is perfect. That’s what makes us human.
If what I have to say deeply offends you, I’m sorry. I have no filter. Don’t read what I write if you don’t like it.
I’m here because I want to help other people navigate the sucker punch when life tosses you off your planned path. Healing is Hard. Give yourself some grace. Not all scars are visible. Give others some grace too.
Healing is Hard
Healing is hard. I wrote that over and over again in my notes for this. It is hard like meditation is hard. It takes time, you have to let it happen. It is uncomfortable and painful.
We cannot control healing, the pace at which it happens, or complications of healing. We cannot go back to our previous level of control over our health immediately, it is a gradual process…and it takes longer than the 6 weeks that it takes for the stitches that secure our flesh and muscle to have the same strength as the healing tissue.
We all have an uncertain outcome and timeline; however, the inevitable outcome for all of us does not change. This is much harder to accept when it stares you in the face.
Stress and sleep deprivation impair healing. Some inflammation is necessary for the process, but it’s painful. Too much inflammation can be counterproductive and impair the process—basically the body attacking itself in an attempt to heal.
When you go home/healing at home:
Do the things that work for you to relax, recover and rest. There is no one size fits all solution for healing. Lean into your strengths. We’ve all done personality assessments, from Myers/Briggs to Enneagram. Our strengths and vulnerabilities seem to come out more when we are stressed. This is not the time to try to change or improve on areas where we already struggle. that’s ok.
We do know that time in nature and light exercise, like a short walk, are invigorating for almost everyone. at least half the time, you will feel better if you take the walk instead of the nap. Trust me, I have napped more in the past 6 months than I have since my 2nd year of residency, including our baseline chronic sleep deprivation and when we had infants.
Sometimes, the nap and rest is what you need, and that’s ok. Strive for a balance. Some is almost always better than none or too much, whether it is sleep, food, drink, treating yourself, exercise, family time or alone time. Only you know what you really need.
Music can decrease pain and help with healing, for imaging, such as MRI’s, office procedures, anesthesia. I offered this to patients in the clinic for years, and yet couldn’t think to advocate for it or ask when I was the patient.
Journaling, especially a gratitude journal, seems counterintuitive in the face of illness. It’s not. again, expressing gratitude or wishing others well, noticing the little things, has been shown to boost endorphins.
Let others help you. Really. We need to do what we know is right, and important, regardless of who is watching (or not watching). In the end, it’s your own life and nobody else’s. There are no do-overs.